JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
