I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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