woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
