Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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