You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
