Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
