New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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