Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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