No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
