Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
