do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
