its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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