I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
