wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
