I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
