Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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