wat bout pragnant strippers??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
