We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
bring money and cleavage
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
