I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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