so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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