i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
