Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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