Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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