i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
