the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
