Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
