the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
