I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
