I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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