Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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