I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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