can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm passing your future prison.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
