I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize