The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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