Pregnant stripper...not hot.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
