Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
