we're making bets on your personal life
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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