Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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