i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
