Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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