he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
