I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
