I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
