yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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