some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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