I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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