I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sext me about skeletons
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
