How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
