who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
