yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ttyl tear gas
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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