his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
