man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
