i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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