Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
