I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Umm I'm too high to move.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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