why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
