whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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