Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
