I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
