Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
