apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
