i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize