His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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