just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
