Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
