I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize