Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
