the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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