i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
