Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
