"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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