why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
