I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A bitchslap is in order.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
