I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
