true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
