Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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