Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
