I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
