he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
