I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
