I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
