It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
