# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
