Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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