I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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