my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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