i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
