ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
