he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
