Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
as a side note pls kill me
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