so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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