i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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