yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
