Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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