you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
