they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
