Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You are the jesus of drinking
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
