just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Quick, to the slutcave!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
