I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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