Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
