I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
