Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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