Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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