just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
