I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
