PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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