She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want to have your abortion
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
