I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had sex on a roof
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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