Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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