My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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