well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
