You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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