He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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