I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
