who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
