I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
