I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
