i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
