I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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