OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
