it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
