btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
