Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
