she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize