chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
