why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
